During my training to become a Certified MBSR teacher, we explored some typical causes of suffering. We all agreed that we frequently experience struggles around change. We discussed how we may believe that change can be good, but when it occurs in our lives, we often find ourselves wishing things would remain the same. The mind likes security, routine and trusting that we know what will happen in each situation. I was confronted once again this summer with some unanticipated change, and I didn’t like it. In fact, I was pained by the change. What I thought and anticipated to be a long, valuable list of activities and engagements with friends shifted. One of the others will no longer be around to participate. As time went on, I noted that this “not liking change” perspective seemed to roll into other smaller changes that I experienced. I enjoyed my daughter visiting and then didn’t like it when she had to leave. I was happy for my brother-in-law and sister-in-law to move closer to their grandchildren and then focused on past and future missed opportunities with them. Through my meditation practices—both formally and informally, I became aware of the need to revisit change and impermanence (the state or fact of lasting for only a limited period of time). Below are some observations I’ve made about navigating my relationship with change.
At first when I recognize that a situation is changing, I experience resistance; however, my practice reminds me that I have a choice in that moment. Do I want to focus on/get stuck in resisting what’s happening? Can I soften into what’s happening in the present moment and be in relationship with what’s here rather than allow my mind to get overly focused on the future (e.g. they are leaving tomorrow, I will miss them, etc.)?
August was a challenging month. Through mindfulness and meditation practice, I recognize that there are pros/cons to accepting change. If I just go with the flow without noting how the change is impacting me, I risk losing out on valuable information. There is benefit to contemplating what we think and feel about the change; how we’re responding to change. When we hold onto (cling) to wanting something to remain the same or get back what’s changed, we experience more difficulty. Exploring the difficulty that is arising for us around change assists in understanding ourselves, what is valuable to us and helps us access healthy, adaptive coping. When we can make that challenging shift into accepting that things change, we are more likely to identify a plan for healthy response. Of course, that takes practice and right timing. Acknowledging, Allowing and Accepting impermanence and change has been my practice this month as we move into fall.
Practices that assist with navigating inevitable change:
1. Be attentive and open to low level change occurring moment to moment—not necessarily looking for it, simply recognizing it when it shows up (e.g. night to day, summer to fall).
2. Use some curiosity and inquisitiveness to explore your reactions and patterns to change when it enters your awareness. This greater understanding of ourselves will assist us in navigating change in healthy and nourishing ways.
3. Identify and trust that you have resources within you to navigate changes.
4. Find some space for ease and grace along with the difficulty of change.
5. Be willing to explore and seek out additional resources.
How might you practice and bring insight around change/impermanence into your daily life? What can you learn from accepting that change will occur? When have you been forced to confront change and what assisted you and what wasn’t useful or nourishing? Consider that change and impermanence doesn’t necessarily always lead to suffering. Consider that working to accept this idea of change, gaining understanding about yourself and impermanence can lead to a greater sense of stability and resilience.
Join us in person or via Zoom on September 1st to discuss navigating change at EUCC Monthly Mindfulness. RSVP for Zoom link: (https://www.mindfulnessandmotion.com/events).
I am currently in the process of adding some additional programming and events to my fall offerings. You can check them out through the events link above. Joining the email list through the website will ensure you are notified as events are added.
Consider contacting me for individual mentorship (https://www.mindfulnessandmotion.com/general-6) to assist you in exploring and growing a mindfulness practice in ways that contribute to health and well-being.
Wishing you well as you contemplate ways mindfulness impacts your awareness of how you engage with change.
Karen
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